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This Just Happened. No, Really. 
17th-Jun-2011 12:04 pm

It's hot today and I've been cleaning since I got up, so I thought I might trek over to the pool to cool down and have a quick 10 minute break. There were two 20-something girls laying out by the pool. Talking like they learned their vocabulary watching The Hills or The OC or some such nonsense. Orange, leathery skin, and practically NO bathing suits at all, they were that skimpy. Like RIDICULOUSLY small. Also chain smoking, wearing belly button piercings, hideous highlights in their over processed hair, and nails that looked like the entire Phillipines worked on them all at once. Lastly, underneath their chaise lounges were high heeled shoes, and I kid you not - the heels were clear. You feel me? Thought so.

I walk in and put my feet in the water just to see if it's warm or cool. It was warm, so I didn't get in - but nice enough that I sat there for a minute minding my own business when I glance over to them, smile, and nod. Cue the eye rolling from both, and much muttering between them. I actually heard "GAHD, I *hate* it when guys are checking me out like that, it's *so* rude." Being that I was the only person around at the moment, I responded by saying "I beg your pardon?" Her friend sat up, put on her VRY SRS BZNS face, and with much attitude, spat at me "You've very rude, that's what she said."

Oh, you stupid, stupid, lecherous little girl...

I stood up, and while walking past them to leave made the following statement: "I get it - you didn't know I was actually a great big faggot when you pulled that bullshit just now so you're slow to recognize it when no one is really paying you the attention that you're clearly so desperate for. I can see how you might mistake me for the usual guys throwing $20 in singles at you while high fiving their bros and yelling 'SHAKE DAT ASS, BITCH, AND LEMME SEE WHAT YA GOT!' but I'm not one of them. If you're really serious about not being objectified by people, perhaps you might want to wear more than an eye patch over yourself before venturing down to the public pool, but make no mistake sweetness - you ain't shit. Fuck you both and everyone that looks like you."

Now I'm back to cleaning. Haters gonna hate, what can you do.
17th-Jun-2011 07:12 pm (UTC)
oooooooooo guuuuurl!
17th-Jun-2011 07:27 pm (UTC)
Priceless. Just fucking priceless. Nice job!!!
17th-Jun-2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
too many syllables ...
17th-Jun-2011 07:34 pm (UTC)
You GO! Made my day!
17th-Jun-2011 07:38 pm (UTC) - LOL
Once they were done having their eyeglasses-wearing (yet secretly much more beautiful, inside, where it counts) younger sisters explain it to them, I bet they cried... ;o)
17th-Jun-2011 07:43 pm (UTC)
Wow. Just, wow.

The really sad thing is, their parents probably have an awful lot of money. You don't look like that at that age if daddy isn't financing it.
17th-Jun-2011 07:47 pm (UTC)
"Crikey! Here we are in the wilds of Tempe, Arizona, near a remote watering hole--an' over here we've got two specimens of the local Skankii on parade! Look at those bloody talons! You can lit'rally tell their ages by the mix of colors and length of silicon glued to their nat'ral fingatips! An' over here we've got Rankasaurus rex--just look at 'im! Such a fine-lookin' fella. Look at 'is teeth, how they hide real nice until he lashes out at prey--which just happens to be the loud, inescapable Skankiis! Oh, yeah, you don't wanna mess with the Rankasaurus, dearies, he'll put ya in yer place real fast! But he's a cute li'l bugger, ain't he, till he rips yer head off! I'm Steve Irwin."
17th-Jun-2011 09:01 pm (UTC)

between the post and this comment, I AM DEAD.

You're both paying the cremation fees. ;p
18th-Jun-2011 03:01 am (UTC)
Care for some Water of Life instead? 'Cause Brad can confirm, it's hot as hell out here now, and cremation would be a bitch to carry out. ;)
17th-Jun-2011 10:52 pm (UTC)

Yup. After that, I got nothing.
18th-Jun-2011 03:00 am (UTC)

Ahhhh, me public.
17th-Jun-2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
What color would you like your internets in?
18th-Jun-2011 02:58 am (UTC)
::purrs:: Red, darlin'.
21st-Jun-2011 07:20 pm (UTC)
*points at icon* :D
22nd-Jun-2011 02:45 am (UTC)
::beams:: That made my day. Thanks!
17th-Jun-2011 08:50 pm (UTC)
*high five*
17th-Jun-2011 09:13 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, love it.
17th-Jun-2011 10:05 pm (UTC)
Omg - did they reply?!
17th-Jun-2011 10:53 pm (UTC)
LOL, excellent.
17th-Jun-2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
I love you.
18th-Jun-2011 03:02 am (UTC)
This is why we all need video cameras floating around with us, to catch these rare moments of utter joy.
18th-Jun-2011 05:42 am (UTC)
I applaud you!
18th-Jun-2011 07:19 am (UTC)
I've had a shitty day and to read this just made me smile.

Thank you.
19th-Jun-2011 02:14 am (UTC)
I loved you so much already, now I want to have your baby!

Well, actually, I already did want to have your baby, but now I'd do it twice!

We'll have to start right away trying to get pregnant.
20th-Jun-2011 03:36 am (UTC)
Even the Last Supper wasn't served like that.
21st-Jun-2011 07:19 pm (UTC)
You rock so hard.
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