The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge
I, ________________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2ndAmendment Rights in this country, while I am duly >being allowed to exercise my 2ndAmendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.
I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:
- Social Security
- State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)
- Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
- US Postal Service
- Roads and Highways
- Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)
- The US Railway System
- Public Subways and Metro Systems
- Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
- Rest Areas on Highways
- All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009federal senate appropriations--http://grassley.senate.gov/issues/upload/Master-Approps-73109.pdf)
- Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
- Public and State Universities and Colleges
- Public Primary and Secondary Schools
- Sesame Street
- Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children
- Public Museums
- Public Parks and Beaches
- State and National Parks
- Public Zoos
- Unemployment Insurance
- Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
- Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, Stateor Federal Government (pretty much all of them)
- Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or
- Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)
- Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
- Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
- Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
- Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
- If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist
locations, including but not limited to:
- Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History
- The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments
- The government-operated Statue of Liberty
- The Grand Canyon
- The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials
- The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery
- All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.
SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF ____________ IN THE YEAR ______________.
Signed Printed Name/Town and State
Ganked with respect from PZ Myers.