Log in

No account? Create an account
Rogan's blog post on the Phelps/Pot/Kellogg's sponsorship drop 
2nd-Apr-2009 02:05 am
Dear, Kellogg’s.

I’m writing this letter to express my disappointment in your company in firing Michael Phelps as a spokesperson for your products because he was photographed while enjoying some marijuana.

I respectfully would like to communicate my opinion on this matter because I think it’s of great public interest.

First of all, although it is true that Mr. Phelps broke the law, I think any reasonably intelligent person would admit that it’s one of the most fucked up and corrupt laws that we have today in this country. Marijuana is relatively harmless and certainly far less dangerous than a host of other things that are not only legal but also readily available, like alcohol and prescription drugs. The only reason it remains illegal to this day is because it’s a plant and you can’t patent it and control it’s sale, and because if it were legal it would greatly affect the demand for a host of prescription drugs that rake in billions of dollars each year for pharmaceutical companies.

That’s it.

Marijuana has never killed anyone EVER in over 10,000 years of use. We’re not protecting people from themselves, we’re not saving the children - it’s just a horribly illogical law that is in place because of corruption and propaganda.

The fact that it’s against the law is just a disgusting reminder of how retarded our system is, not a reasonable reaction to a proven threat to society.

I have to say, this whole thing saddens me, because I personally would like to think that as Americans we’re better than this. These television news anchors will shake their heads at the thoughtless mistake Mr. Phelps had made by “smoking dope,” and then without even the tiniest sense of irony they will cut to a beer commercial.

This is supposed to be the land of the free and the home of the brave, right? We’re not supposed to be a nation of little bitches giving in to the whims of corrupt politicians and the pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing.

It’s 2009, and in this day and age with the incredible access to information that we have available there’s no fucking way that we should be allowing human beings to tell other human beings that they can’t do something that they enjoy that hurts no one including themselves.

THAT is madness. THAT is ignorant, and THAT is completely fucking un-American. I don’t want to hear any of that, “he’s setting a bad example with the children” nonsense either, because we all know if he had a gin and tonic in his hand instead of a bong this would never have been an issue, even though every single study ever done has shown that marijuana is FAR less dangerous than alcohol.

Marijuana laws are a horrible waste of resources and law enforcement, and especially in this day and age with our economy in such horrible shape I believe the last thing we need to be doing is wasting tax payers’ money on any of this victimless bullshit.

I find your reactions to Mr. Phelps situation both ignorant and short sighted. I think what would have been a far better response from Kellogg’s would be to support Mr. Phelps, and perhaps point out that maybe we as a society should take a closer look at the evidence and possibly reconsider our position on this misunderstood plant that so many of our productive citizens find useful.

Now, I’m sure if you really were running Kellogg’s and you were still reading my bullshit all the way down to this, you must be thinking, “Why the hell would we stick our necks out like that for pot smokers?”

And of course the answer to that question would be, because we buy your shit, motherfucker.

Do you guys even know your consumer statistics? Well, let me fill you in on some of my own personal scientific research on the subject, because I have been closely studying my own purchases for over 20 years, and I can tell you that I’ve been high 100% of the time I’ve bought your shit.

I mean, do you guys ever think about what you sell?

Pop tarts? Are you kidding me? I would be willing to bet that 50% of the people buying pop tarts are stoned out of their fucking minds.

Just to be perfectly clear on my position, I would like you to know that I enjoy your products. I think many of them are quite tasty, but lets be honest; you guys sell sugar-drenched shit that’s horrible for your body - in fact, it’s actually way worse for your body than pot - and you market this shit specifically to children.

You assholes go as far as putting lovable cartoon characters on the boxes just so that kids will beg their parents for it.

Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand my point, because I in no way want anything bad to happen to your company. Like I said, I genuinely enjoy your products.

There’s nothing quite like being stoned out of your mind at 2am watching a Chuck Norris movie and eating a bowl of fruit loops. Your company and its products have been a part of some very pleasurable moments in guilty eating, and I’m glad you’re around.

All I’m saying is that it’s high time (no pun intended) that you motherfuckers respect the stoner dollar. There’s WAY more of us than you might think, and we tend to get upset about dumb shit like this. There are millions of us, and if we decide that we don’t like a company, they’re going to feel it.

I think if you looked into it carefully, you would be surprised at how many undercover potheads there are out there. Pot smokers don’t all fit into the obvious, negative stereotypes; we come in all shapes and forms - including by the way, the form of the greatest fucking swimmer who ever lived, EVER.

Think about THAT shit for a second..

So in closing, I would like to ask you nice folks to please smarten the fuck up.

I would request that you check the calendar and note that it’s 2000 and fucking 9, and next time you think about getting all uppity about pot you might want to do a quick google search on the facts.

It’s 4:40am here in LA, and I’m going to wrap up this blog and to celebrate its completion I’m going to enjoy one of my personal favorite Kellogg products: Eggo waffles.

I’m gonna pop 4 of them bitches into the toaster, and then I’m gonna stuff the bong with some fine, American grown “Train Wreck” and sacrifice the sacred plant to the fire gods in tribute to the unjustly persecuted 8 time Olympian hero. Then I’m gonna get some butter, and I’m gonna smear it on those Eggos, I’m gonna cover them with maple syrup, and I’m going to eat the ever loving fuck out of them.

Good day, sirs.

Yours truly,
Joe Rogan.
2nd-Apr-2009 09:38 am (UTC)
...pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing.

freakin stoners can't spell. ;P
2nd-Apr-2009 07:23 pm (UTC)
[pedantic mode] it's spelled properly but it's the wrong word :) [/pedantic mode]
2nd-Apr-2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
ooh! snap!
2nd-Apr-2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
*smiles innocently*
3rd-Apr-2009 02:19 pm (UTC)
im sorry i fail to see the grammatical/semantic error.. im genuinely curious here lol.. not being shitty :)
3rd-Apr-2009 06:40 pm (UTC)
...pharmaceutical companies who’s interests they’re representing.

the big word should be whose rather than who's
4th-Apr-2009 09:18 pm (UTC)
*smacks forehead* doh! of course... stupid me lol.. thanks :D
2nd-Apr-2009 01:12 pm (UTC)
I stoped getting all there products even though Woofer loves there cereal. The boy made a mistake that cost him. Kelloggs needs to grow up before I by them again. I find nothing wroung with pot. A very plesent way to spend your time.
2nd-Apr-2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
Michael Phelps is a LOSER for doing pot!

A loser who won more gold medals in a single Olympics than any swimmer in the history of the Olympics!

2nd-Apr-2009 07:12 pm (UTC)
Kewlios letter!! :) I'll toke to that! ~ hugs ~ ps. hope you don't mind but this is VERY snagable material!! Thanks! xoxo
2nd-Apr-2009 11:13 pm (UTC)
I'm sure that companies like Kellogg's don't give a rats ass about marijuana legalization. However, they DO care about public perception, and if crazed public interest groups can rile up consumers to boycott Special Kellogg's products because of one controversial commercial, it hits thier bottom line. So while barking about this issue may be a good thing, this is a case of barking up the wrong tree.
This page was loaded Oct 23rd 2019, 6:37 pm GMT.