Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith

Living & Learning

There's a funny thing about friends. The real ones, the ones who appreciate your relationships with them and work to maintain them understand that it's not really difficult to make friends - it's keeping them that involves the hard work. Those who aren't really your friends invariably reveal themselves by their intentions and/or failure of standards one way or another.

It's kind of sad to realize that some folks just want to be friends without ever really doing the work it takes to maintain the relationship. They want all the benefits, but cannot be bothered to earn them. I find it sad because I see evidence of this in so many areas of life with things like respect, love, even in material things. People are stupid and think that just because they WANT something that means they should just HAVE it. I'm sure you know the type, you might even recognize it in yourselves from time to time. Forget earning it on merit, forget that it takes a lot of work from A to B sometimes, just give me what I want and I won't make a fuss... Just be who I want you to be, and we don't have a problem... Do what I want you to do without question, and we're aces... I love you, just do me a favor and edit out the parts of yourself that I don't like, and I'll accept you as you are... We're cool, as long as you don't expect me to stick to my principles and standards every time it becomes hard to do, I deserve to have special privileges - because I want them and think I should have them... Understand that you need to explain and justify X, Y, & Z to me but I don't owe you explanation for anything I do - so don't you call me out on anything, ever...

My friends are the people who keep me going. They sustain me and celebrate me and take care of me when I need to be taken care of. They let me take care of them when they need to be taken care of. We've made ourselves a family and hold one another with a sense of love, reverence, and respect that is not only remarkable, but extremely rare. We've spent years (decades, even) working really hard for this, and that is how we know we've earned one another as a part of this collective.

Sometimes I want others to be a part of it, at least on the periphery, hoping that eventually they will mesh well with us and our ideals. Sometimes it's someone from my past that I've been looking for as I haven't seen them in years, and I'm filled with hope once we reconnect. That usually goes one of two ways. You come to understand one another as you are now in this time, and begin wondering how you managed to get through all this time without them. That's when you win. Then there are those times when all the hope in the world for a person to just 'get it' results in a lot of lessons learned, but a big no-show in the areas you initially hoped they might fit into.

It isn't easy to accept that not everyone plays fair, and not everyone has to. People get to decide who they're going to be in this world, and sadly, you find that sometimes who that might be is really completely incompatible with who you are in fundamental ways. Depending on how that comes down it can leave you sad, angry, or just feeling like you've been robbed. That's where you're wrong, actually. The reason is because you learn a great deal about who you are and who you've chosen to be or not to be in the process of all that. In my most recent experience with this process I was left conflicted by all three of those things temporarily, but now I just feel an overwhelming sense of how pathetic and petty some people can really be - but that's on them and I am not responsible for that.

It sucks, but you have to accept people as they are and decide for yourself if who they are gels with who you are. It's okay to be sad and/or angry for a while about that, but don't dwell on it for too long. Doing that takes your focus, love, time, and energy away from the ones who actually deserve those things.

In conclusion, internets - serious business.
Tags: friends, friends who are not friends, friendship, introspection
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