Log in

No account? Create an account
Welcome To Monday! 
5th-Jan-2009 01:26 pm
You might be a Fundy if…
  • You see nothing wrong with stating “facts” about what God thinks as if you are His personal secretary.
  • You complain about Christians not being allowed to practice their religion in foreign countries, yet when someone tries to set up a Hindu temple/Mosque/Pagan or new age bookshop in your town you go ballistic and think it shouldn’t be allowed.
  • Your typical prayer uses the phrase “Lord Jesus” or “Lord God” more times than the Bible.
  • God regularly opens up convenient parking spaces, JUST FOR YOU.
  • You think people who enjoy science fiction and fantasy, especially those who enjoy the Harry Potter novels, are going to be in hell.
  • You think that being tortured for all of eternity for any reason is an appropriate punishment.
  • You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
  • You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
  • You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
  • Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, animals and trees!
  • You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (a few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is just a few generations old.
  • You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
  • While modern science, history, geology, biology, physics and textual scholarship fail to convince you that the Bible may be less than reliable, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” is all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
  • You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply God saying “No.”
  • You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
5th-Jan-2009 06:34 pm (UTC)
If... you spend your free time creating fictitious agendas and ascribing them to people that you misunderstand just so you can paint yourself as a victim that is misunderstood.

Too much...?

Edited at 2009-01-05 06:34 pm (UTC)
5th-Jan-2009 06:42 pm (UTC)
Maaan quit talking about my mom!!! ;-P

No seriously, I can see her in so many parts of this. And it frightens me that she can be so blinded. But I still lover her. And I still go to her house and spend time with her and my dad.

Appropriate icon - I think yes.
5th-Jan-2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
Awwww you didn't have anything about those "Godless Muslims"
5th-Jan-2009 07:25 pm (UTC)
All these are true, but I especially like the one about parking.

Of course, they are wrong. The only one who controls that is the Parking Goddess, and I pray loudly to her every time. She almost always answers my prayers, though sometimes it takes hours.
5th-Jan-2009 07:50 pm (UTC)
One day, after reading some particularly nasty "religious" comment online, I caught myself volunteering to go to Hell together with my gay friends, so I guess I'm not much of a Fundy. ;)
5th-Jan-2009 07:54 pm (UTC)
Ha! Love this!!!!
5th-Jan-2009 09:15 pm (UTC)
Sounds like my mother's brother and his wingnut wife.

It'd almost be funny, if it wasn't, you know, really sad.
5th-Jan-2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
You may be a Fundy if you think "Oh, they CAN'T mean ME!"
6th-Jan-2009 12:02 am (UTC)
fer reals
6th-Jan-2009 12:54 am (UTC)
I'm all for being tolerant of other people's thoughts, as long as they are thoughts and personal beliefs that don't try to control everything out in the real world affecting everyone else. Not being a Christian, these don't make me personally uncomfortable - the only would in the sense that I know people who follow Christianity and they might be offended by it. (I'm not talking about diehard "let's change laws for my ghost in the clouds," I mean moderate people who have private faith, who might not immediately understand it's not aimed at them.)

That said, I know they're aimed at the wingnuts who DO insist the rest of the world revolve around their ghost in the clouds. I only say all of this to explain that I would love to steal and repost this on my own LJ, but I just wouldn't want to offend the few moderate Christians that I know do read it and are nice people. (Although there are a couple of others I wouldn't mind offending so much. )
6th-Jan-2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
LOVE IT! I've posted it on my LJ crediting you. Is this okay?
10th-Jan-2009 11:34 pm (UTC)
Mr. Jesus, I've been perving your LJ silently for a while but this time I must contribute.
You've just described my former friend the Republican in-the-closet lesbian and her whole creeepy family. I think her brother may also be gay, she told me once she heard him try to approach their father about it and was told "don't think about it". This sounds awful but I think they would have disowned him or send him to a pray-away-the-gay camp except the poor man is already schizophrenic. One of the many many irritating arguments I had with her was about her belief that Jeffrey Dahmer would go to heaven because he was a Christian and his victims would go to hell because they were not.

Edited at 2009-01-10 11:36 pm (UTC)
11th-Jan-2009 06:17 am (UTC)

I'm horrified but not shocked if that makes any sense.
This page was loaded Sep 22nd 2019, 6:28 am GMT.