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This Week In Douchebaggery 
22nd-Jun-2008 11:54 am
This Week In Douchebaggery
Pronunciation: \'düsh 'bag\
Function: noun
Etymology:. French, from Italian doccia, from docciare to douche, from doccia water pipe, probably back-formation from doccione conduit, from Latin duction-, ductio means of conveying water, from ducere to lead

1 (douche) a: a jet or current of liquid (as a cleansing solution) directed against or into a bodily part or cavity (as the vagina) b: an act of cleansing with a douche.
2. An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.
3. Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

1. You are a douchebag.
2. I hate douchebags.

Douchebag Du Jour | Jason David Werner
(MySpace page, YouTube channel)

Why He's A Douchebag | This is a little complicated...
  • Interests: Sharing God's love, family, campaigning for a more compassionate conservative America, real estate, business, basketball, kids, hanging out with friends, cooking, eating, working out, working on my landscaping.
  • Television: Yuck, who actually has time for TV. It's filled with violence, sex, emulations, immaturity, bitterness, jealousy, junk
  • Books: Holy Bible, Direct from Dell, Rumsfeld: A Personal Profile, Compassionate Conservatism (forward by then-Governor George W. Bush), I Love You Ronnie by Nancy Reagan, Dave's Way (founder of Wendy's), and so many more. I enjoy reading.
  • Heroes: Jesus of Nazareth. President Bush (duh), former Secretary of Defense Honorable Donald H. Rumsfeld, President Ronald Reagan, Vice President Dick Cheney, the family members of soldiers bravely serving our country.
  • Who I'd like to meet: The love of my life: Jesus Christ. President George W. Bush, former Secretary of Defense Honorable Donald H. Rumsfeld, Michael Dell, and other sinners.
  • Hobbies: getting arrested for scream-preaching on the street, stalking the exwife, being a fag bashing bag of douche.

Crimes Of Douchebaggery | Anything that involves him breathing or attempting to conjugate verbs. Ran for the 10th Congressional District of Ohio, but then disaster struck when radical homosexuals seized control of the Republican Party of Cuyahoga County and stole the nomination away from him.

Most Recent Display Of Flagrant Douchebaggery | His recent assertion that God hates Cedar Rapids, IA:
"I’ve been blaming the atrocity that occurred to New Orleans by a storm called Katrina on the area’s sin. That city was one of the most corrupt cities I’ve ever toured, even more corrupt than the abomination of a little sodomite parade today in Cleveland.

So I began wondering about Cedar Rapids, Iowa. It’s innocent Iowa. What could possibly be wrong with an area in “God’s country”.

I was going to release this on Monday of last week, but I felt my arrest was bigger news. Anyway, I learned that Cedar Rapids was an absolute city of corruption. There are about 124,000 residents in the actual city. And in Iowa, gambling is legal, wherebythere are 17 casinos. Embryonic stem-cell research is funded. Liberal governors have run the state into the ground for the past 20 years including a former conservative Republican many years ago. Human cloning is legal. Referendums by the citizens are often shot down. Spending for education is the most consistent increase of any issue. The University of Iowa is among the ten best colleges to party in the country. The University of Iowa is very homosexual-oriented. Grinnell is extremely homosexual-oriented. I found five blood alleys in Cedar Rapids. Homosexual organizations are very popular in Cedar Rapids and Des Moines. Prostitution and adult entertainment is actually worse than Cleveland, which has a population of nearly 400,000. There were nearly 100 bars in a radius of one mile although the nearby college is dry."
22nd-Jun-2008 03:57 pm (UTC)
Who I'd like to meet: The love of my life: Jesus Christ.

Jesus still isn't gonna fuck you, man. Sorry.
22nd-Jun-2008 04:26 pm (UTC)
I love the new insult that this just produced in my brain: Even Jesus wouldn't get jiggy with YOU.
22nd-Jun-2008 06:15 pm (UTC)
Hey - he can dream, can't he? I mean, it seems to be what he does best, living in a fantasy world...
22nd-Jun-2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
Wow! What a cretinous toad of a man. Douchy McDouche for sure. Ugh.
22nd-Jun-2008 06:16 pm (UTC)
From Doucheville!
22nd-Jun-2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
In the country of Douchiania on Planet Doucherie!
22nd-Jun-2008 04:24 pm (UTC)
and yet, i find him strangely physically attractive. I kind of want to ride his ass and make him squeal for jesus.

22nd-Jun-2008 04:28 pm (UTC)
*shrieks laughter* If you wore a robe, he might just die of joy, since, you know, Jesus is the love of his life.

Edited at 2008-06-22 04:29 pm (UTC)
22nd-Jun-2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
Same here - but go to the YouTube channel and listen to him speak, and the illusion will be shattered. The boy opens his mouth and a purse falls out.
22nd-Jun-2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
Um ... Cedar Rapids is kind of podunk compared to the likes of Des Moines, which is actually west of CR and easier for God to hit in a direct W->E weather pattern like this. Why not just HULKSMASH! the bigger city instead? I didn't see The Big Guy going for Backwoods, Louisiana, when He decided to teach that state a lesson. ;-)

Gotta love people so blinded by their own whiteness they don't see anything beyond their hand. (Although, I do love the "President Bush (Duh)" up there; made my whole day, that.)
22nd-Jun-2008 06:14 pm (UTC)
That made me LOL also!
22nd-Jun-2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
Does anyone know what a "blood alley" is? It's in his press statement. Color me confused.
22nd-Jun-2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
I always thought it was a term meaning dangerous intersection.
23rd-Jun-2008 01:12 am (UTC)
Dangerous for whom?

White Republican Jesus-lovin' gay-fearing Douchbags I hope.

22nd-Jun-2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
I think, based on previous anti-gay types, we can safely assume he secretly, self-hatingly, obsessively craves teh cock.
22nd-Jun-2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
DING DING DING!! I'll bet she's Ted Haggard's long lost sister!

Edited at 2008-06-22 06:11 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
22nd-Jun-2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
Goddamnit, now I really want to go, just so I can meet them in person and tell them I saw their website and totally support their right to free speech and assembly, but that they're chock-a-block full of fucking crazy.
(Deleted comment)
23rd-Jun-2008 02:10 am (UTC) - yep

Yep he's a douchebag.
Now s'pose we can arrange a chartered bus tour or something to go see all these cities of sin?

23rd-Jun-2008 04:51 am (UTC)
You are soooo off base... douchbags actually have a purpose on this planet...
24th-Jun-2008 09:47 pm (UTC)
Getting arrested is an interesting hobby indeed, and provides one with a nice "martyr" public image!
Is everybody in Cedar Rapids so sinful, I wonder, or do you divide the total sum of sinfulness by the number of the population to calculate the individual sinfulness?
Is Mr Werner really so crazy, or is he pretending?
All right, I am a Christian woman, which doesn't prevent me from being in love with a Muslim man and having gay male friends. Call me a sinner!
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