Brad Smith (jesus_h_biscuit) wrote,
Brad Smith
jesus_h_biscuit

OPEN LETTERS

Dear Madonna,
Go sit your tired ass down. This album sucks so bad it almost makes American Life decent by comparison and that's just six shades of wrongness. Write a memoir, maybe a screenplay, and for fuck's sake start speaking like the Detroit chick you are. Basically what I'm saying is let's have less of you.
Dear Fundamentalist Hillary Clinton Supporters Who Threaten To Vote For McCain When/If She Doesn't Get The Nom,
Fucking die in a motherfucking fire you goddamned daft cunts. My own personal hatred of Republicans borders on mystical, and you're all fast becoming a whole new subset of that blind hatred. If you believe in anything, even a remote ideal of what the Democratic party and Liberalism in general is about at its core and yet you'd still cast a vote for The Manchurian Candidate Methuselah Bush III John motherfucking McCain, you should be dipped in Gravy Train and ripped apart by wild dogs. Fucking tools, the lot of you.
Dear John Cusack,
I love you. I heart you. I adore you. You, sir, are truly the best thing ever. Before I die, I hope that we can attend a baseball game together and drink copious amounts of overpriced draft beer as deranged fan boys of the game. That would be better than Biscuit-on-Cusack sex in my opinion. Hell, that WOULD be Biscuit-on-Cusack sex! All of that having been said, I would drink your bathwater. Because it would be the essence of awesome.
Dear LiveJournal Folks Reading This Right Now & Who Are Having A Bad Day,
I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Don't do anything that would be considered a bad choice that will wreak havoc in your lives somewhere, and learn better ways of letting shit go. Sometimes it's just not worth the energy you waste fighting for it and sometimes it is, but if you're as tired and fed up as I get from time to time, there's nothing wrong with just unplugging from someone/something and stating clearly "Yeah - not doing this right now. Don't ask me for anything and don't expect anything from me until I get some stuff figured out. Lest I slay you."
Dear Ebola Ass-Flu,
You seriously need to fuck off and die. I am SOOOOOOO not even kidding. I've had kidney stones that weren't as horrifying as you are. You've made your point, now either fuck off and die, or go ahead and kill me. HATE. YOU.
Tags: open letter
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