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Well, She Asked For It. 
17th-Mar-2008 05:32 pm
Go Obey Your Husband You Stupid Republic
Since Mrs. Mary Frances Forrester posted her ridiculous tripe with the title of "The Real Homosexual Agenda", and since I've had a LOT of new people add me to their friends lists since I first posted this, I'm reposting the Gay Agenda. LINK TO IT AT WILL, THE CODE IS AT THE END OF THIS POST!

This originally was the brainchild of my friends at annoy.com, which sourced and quoted my post "That's MISTER Faggot To You!" in the original piece. I loved it and thought it was genius. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE spread the word by posting the code at the bottom of the page in your own LJ/blog, and thank you in advance.


How many of you haven’t heard of the “Gay Agenda” or “Radical Homosexual Agenda”?

Although many claim there isn't one, here it is, the new, improved, radical homosexual agenda for 2006. A roadmap, if you will, towards destroying nuclear families, and reshaping society to the point that if your son isn’t blowing his professor, don’t expect any graduation ceremonies.

For all the fear-mongering pigs that use religion to marginalize, humiliate, electrocute and murder others, may this new Gay Agenda permeate your worst nightmares. Yes, Focus on the Family, Traditional Values Coalition, Concerned Dried-Up-Old-Cunts Women for America, American Family Association, Family Research Council, Eagle Forum, Alliance Defense Fund, Chrisitian Coaltion, Mission America, Morality in the Media, and all you other assholes, this means you.


*cue dancing leather queens in assless chaps on a pride float, drag queens painted for the back row with 6' hair, 1o" heels, and SEQUINS SEQUINS SEQUINS, dykes on bikes, "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge, and poppers for all!!!*

1. Gay men and lesbians should marry one another, and extol each other every tangible and intangible benefit the institution provides. They cannot stop gay marriage as long as gays are marrying. If you are gay and single without a desire to marry, marry a homosexual of the opposite sex anyway, and donate any marriage credits the government may offer to any gay organization seeking to destroy heterosexual norms.

2. Once benefits are secured, divorce. Wreck the sanctity of the institution by driving up the divorce rates from the current 52% to at least 80%.

3. Remember 52% of marriages end in divorce, the remaining 48% in death. There's nothing sanctimonious about that. Demand the institution and then wreck it. James Dobson was right about our evil intentions. We just plan to be quicker than he thought.

4. Get a gun and learn how to shoot. It's as much about arming bears as it is bearing arms. If you think you're protected by the Constitution, think again. If they don't allow you to marry, the next amendment will be to deny gays guns.

5. Reclaim Jesus. He was a Jewish queer to begin with, and don't let anyone forget it.

6. BAN DIVORCE. If the institution is so in need of protection, seek a constitutional amendment to ban divorce. One marriage, once.

7. Normalize - Thwart fashion and style sense inclinations so that homophobes cannot separate you from straights. Gay vague my ass. Make it gay impossible to tell.

8. Hate Crime laws are just the beginning. Once those are passed either federally or in all 50 states, begin campaign to eliminate homophobia entirely.

9. Like "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," thoughts or words equal conduct. Homophobic inclinations alone, even without any actions, should be criminal and punishable to the full extent of the law.¹

10. Penetrate the sperm banks to perpetuate the gene. Although the nature vs. nurture debate rages on, ensure that as many vials of semen contain gay genes.

11. Lie about your sexual orientation when giving blood. Screening of blood is either effective or not. If a celibate gay's blood is more dangerous than that of sexually promiscuous heterosexual, the problem is in the screening process, not the orientation of the donor. Faggot blood is God's blood.

12. Alternatively, set up blood banks for gay blood only. For us fags by us fags (~*FUFBUF*~).

13. Become surrogate mothers or males donate sperm to lesbian couples. If children of gays are to be put up for adoption, stipulate that heterosexuals are unfit for parenting such children, no matter how sad or desperate they may be.

14. If you are HIV positive, consider engaging in unprotected sex with pedophile priests and pastors. We have enough recruits from Christian schools and the military without us having to house perverts cloaked in religion. There's the Catholic Church for that.

15. Tithe. Make sure that gay representation permeates every level of governance.

16. Sneak gay subtext into every book, movie, video game, TV show or other media that you have access to. Nothing like subliminal messaging to equate queerness with Godliness. (Don't forget, they catch the obvious ones like Spongebob and Tinky Winky, but they'll miss Bart or Freddie from Grand Theft Auto because they're too well hidden. Don't worry, their badly parented, unsupervised kids will know it when they see it).

17. Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians etc. are fundamentally the same. Don't pledge allegiance to any one party. Make all parties grovel for your vote, not take it for granted.

18. Ensure that you preserve DNA samples to be used for cloning purposes if necessary.

19. Join the military and rise in the ranks (as has always been the case). When enough gay servicemembers come out en masse it will force the military to drop their outdated policy, and admit that probably 25% or more only happen to shoot straight.

20. Ensconce yourself in virulently homophobic organizations like the Boy Scouts and Southern Baptists or Concerned Women for America. The more indispensable homos they have in their fold, the more hypocritical their ultimate exposure. And any bad behavior can simply be blamed on their organizations.

21. If you're a sick pedophile, join the Catholic Church. They'll be good to you and shelter you like they always have.

22. Recruit straight men and women. We're accused of it anyway, so we may as well give the accusation legs. And remember, when push comes to shove, a six-pack or a joint goes a long way.

23. If you're male, give Concerned Women for America a raison d'être by fucking their husbands, sons and fathers. And of course, you dykes will know exactly what to do with their daughters. At least those that aren't already teaching us in our beds.

24. Bombard the Federal Communications Commission any time anything remotely offensive to gay people appears on the airwaves. Homophobia is indecent, and our children must be sheltered from it. They want to regulate decency. Let's keep them really, really busy.

25. Create facilities that recondition homophobic deviancy. Certain religious groups have attempted to "straighten" gay children. If their assertions are correct, children exercising homophobic tendencies can be corrected using electro-therapy. Turn eradicating homophobia and encouraging the gay lifestyle from a cottage industry into a multi-billion dollar cash cow.

26. Turn "Heather has a Mommy and a Daddy. Don't Blame it on Her" into a best seller.

27. Most gay children are born of heterosexual parents. If they want to eradicate homosexuality, vasectomies and hysterectomies are fabulously effective. Safer than condoms and abstinence!

28. Some are still attempting to define homosexuality as a disease. Let them move forward. Once passed in any region -- local, state or federal -- take full advantage of employment protection legislation and related compliance including Medicaid and workers compensation. They can call us names but it's going to cost them. Big.

29. Until marriage is equal, heterosexuals should be forbidden from wearing wedding rings in public. The blatant flaunting of their sexuality is inappropriate, and we don't need our children conjuring up penises and vaginas every time they spot a wedding ring. Gay marriage would neutralize that consequence.

30. Heterosexual public displays of affection can be confusing for gay kids. There should be no hugging or physical touch between heterosexuals in public places. Brief handshakes or a brief affirmative hand on a shoulder is okay.

31. Any literature or educational material in any school or public library should display warnings if they contain heterosexual content.

32. The Tinky Defense - San Francisco Supervisor, Dan White, blamed Twinkies for murdering gay Supervisor, Harvey Milk and Mayor, George Moscone. It worked. If you happen to kill a heterosexual, simply blame Jerry Falwell's Tinky Winky obsession as the reason. You were purple with rage.

33. Any homophobic persons, even former homophobes that have been rehabilitated, should be required to register using the same model as child molesters. There should be strict limitations pertaining to their proximity to any gay bars, clubs, gyms or institutions that are predominantly gay. Parents of gay children need to be aware of the dangers such individuals present, and should be aware of their presence in their neighborhoods.

34. If accused of having a Gay Agenda, point to this page and respond, "it's not an agenda, it's the Gospel."

¹In the words of Lewis Black, in reference to the thoughts (but not necessarily usage of) profanity: "...if you think it, then you said it asshole! Even Jews believe that!"

(Originally found at Annoy.com on the original piece)

So-called Christians, who would sooner stone Jesus to death than take heed of his caution, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” use it as a scare tactic, and more importantly as a fundraising tool. The Orthodox Jews who would have been happy to let certain wings of German concentration camps housing victims sporting pink triangles continue gassing. Muslim extremists who stone homosexuals to death like they do their raped daughters, calling it “honor killing.”

A fusion of psycho-babble and political correctness on both sides has introduced terms like heternormalism, homodeviancy, and a slew of other ridiculous terms tossed about in frantic fundraising letters. Homosexuals are penetrating schools and the military and seek nothing less than the destruction of your family and rape of you children if one was to believe Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Lou Sheldon, Jerry Falwell, Donald Wildmon, Phyllis Shafly, Beverly LaHaye, and the ever expanding pool of shrieking, self-appointed moral guardians.

If gay bashing, teen suicide and genuine attempts by politicians and Presidents to actually amend America’s constitution to explicitly deny rights to homosexuals weren’t clear and present dangers, the notion of a “gay agenda” would be laughable. How strong can a marriage be – a supposedly sanctified institution – if two members of the same sex marrying will destroy it? How learned can a behavior be, if despite your best parenting efforts to instill heterosexuality onto your children, they can be so easily evangelized by radical homosexuals.

Many gay people who simply want the right to serve their country, marry or work without fear of discrimination for being open about who they are have no agenda beyond that. A blogger calling himself jesus_h_biscuit sums it up this way: Homosexual Agenda: 1. Quality time w/family 2. Be treated equally 3. Buy milk

Despite the tongue-in-cheek nature of this piece, it can, and likely will, be taken out of context, and used destructively by bigots and homophobes with ill intentions. From the other side, I'll be criticized for irresponsibly kindling the already raging fires by providing fresh fodder. I've already battled it out on the radio with Robert Peters from Morality in the Media, who appeared to have a peculiar fixation on the penis. (Hopefully not mine), and Concerned Women for America called me an obscene pornogrpaher or something to that effect in one of their polemic press releases. So let me give them what they really want to hear. As if James Dobson needs anything more – in his book Marriage Under Fire, he posits the theory that homosexuals don’t really want to get married, but in fact are plotting a 60 year conspiracy to destroy the family. Fucking idiot. It’s a ten year plan!

Copy & paste this code to link to this post in your own journal:

1. Right-click inside the text box above, press Ctrl + A to copy (Ctrl + C) all of the code.
2. Paste (Ctrl + V) into your own LJ or blog update portal or client, and post.

Here's what will appear in your post:


proudly brought to you by angry_biscuit

17th-Mar-2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
Ah, I adore that "REAL GAY AGENDA" that Forrester quotes. It's obviously a satire, not something anyone actually wants to do. He fucking called himself "Swift" for crying out loud.
17th-Mar-2008 10:14 pm (UTC)
Yes, but these people have
idea what satire means. Besides that, it would require a modicum of intelligence to understand the point, and frankly I'm surprised they can even turn on the computer without electrocuting themselves.
17th-Mar-2008 09:53 pm (UTC)
Also, your entire agenda is A++++ would lol again, but this one killed me:

"21. If you're a sick pedophile, join the Catholic Church. They'll be good to you and shelter you like they always have."

Isn't that the truth!
17th-Mar-2008 10:14 pm (UTC)
17th-Mar-2008 10:03 pm (UTC) - I'm posting your thang! FO' SHO'!
I'm not the straightest girl on the block, and it always bothered me that I would have to conform to what straight folks do in order to legitimize my love, i.e. get married. Why should I have to do what they do? Why can't I do what I do, and forget the paper process, the legally binding stuff? I never wanted to get married, be it with a man or a woman. That's just me... but... IS it just me? Do any gay/bi/Lesbians feel the way I do?

I want the right to not have to conform to the rules and regulations set into place by church and state for a man and a woman. I sound like Camille Paglia on this, but it's how I feel.

I don't hold the desire to marry against anyone; if that's what you want to do, God bless and give it your best shot and good wishes to you! it's just not what I want to do.
17th-Mar-2008 10:12 pm (UTC) - Re: I'm posting your thang! FO' SHO'!
Follow this link to something I wrote two years ago that I think you'll remember.
17th-Mar-2008 10:39 pm (UTC) - Re:I DO recall!
omg I was so drunk that time! But my comments were true blue.
17th-Mar-2008 10:24 pm (UTC)
I'm seriously thinking about printing this out and giving it to my dad. XD He might have an aneurysm, though.

I'm totally posting this in my blog.
18th-Mar-2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
The thing I hope people understand is that this is written for us - it is written so that we may feel a sense of power over our oppressors. Sure, it would make things interesting were it to be taken seriously and followed, but the spirit of this piece and for those who helped write it was meant to convey a sense of defiance for all of us who 'got it', and to totally confuse those that don't. It may not spark the debate we hope for to expose them for the hypocritical nonsense they espouse, but it works wonders in getting attention and forcing people to think.
18th-Mar-2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
I understand. But the immediate silence following would be refreshing, although I don't think it would do any good in making him think about his twisted logic, unfortunately.
18th-Mar-2008 03:37 pm (UTC)

That was me.
17th-Mar-2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
I'm printing this out and sending it to my mum.

Posted the link in my journal too.

You are the awesomest guy I know.

~ Jenn/PBG
18th-Mar-2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks, love - I appreciate it!
17th-Mar-2008 10:55 pm (UTC) - editor's note
Paragraph Two under Context should read:.. destruction of your family and the rape of YOUR children.

i got your back...
18th-Mar-2008 03:32 pm (UTC) - Re: editor's note
Thanks, babe!
(Deleted comment)
18th-Mar-2008 03:33 pm (UTC)
17th-Mar-2008 11:35 pm (UTC)
uh, Judas?

is that a dagger on your belt, or are you just *really* happy to see me?

18th-Mar-2008 03:33 pm (UTC)
18th-Mar-2008 03:27 am (UTC) - Dishonor Killings
Yes, gays are sometimes targeted in dishonor killings. As a matter of basic human rights, I am against these crimes regardless of who is the victim.

The Middle East is a tough, unkind place to be gay. I met only one "out" gay man and knew one closeted lesbian when I was living in Jordan.

Ellen R. Sheeley, Author
"Reclaiming Honor in Jordan"
18th-Mar-2008 03:36 pm (UTC) - Re: Dishonor Killings
I weep for anyone in the Middle East, but especially those for whom perceived heresy results in murder.
18th-Mar-2008 11:05 am (UTC)
This is a great agenda! Would you mind if I repost it in my myspace blog(I will of course give you credit)? I already linked to it here on lj.

Yes, I know I totally suck for having "myspace", next issue.
18th-Mar-2008 03:23 pm (UTC)
Yes, of course you may. Also, http://www.myspace.com/angrybiscuit - see what happens when you assume too much???


Edited at 2008-03-18 03:24 pm (UTC)
18th-Mar-2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
stipulate that heterosexuals are unfit for parenting such children, no matter how sad or desperate they may be.

but, but, I've been waiting forever to buy "My mommy doesn't care if I'm gay." onesies and completely convince my parents I was switched at birth.
18th-Mar-2008 11:30 pm (UTC) - I have such good taste in men.
Thanks for confirming it.
27th-Sep-2008 10:02 am (UTC)
Now that is worth the stupidly early morning I endured today.
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