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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
Love The Fetus, Hate The Child - Especially If That Child Turns Out Queer 
31st-Jan-2008 12:17 pm
To be amongst the vast majority of Republicans, you need to believe:
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of th e public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which tens of thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet .

13. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recov ery.

14. You support 'Executive Privilege' for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

15. Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.
Comments 
31st-Jan-2008 05:33 pm (UTC)
I love this. Very clearly illustrates that is the hypocrisy of the Republican party.
31st-Jan-2008 06:01 pm (UTC)
mmm, snarky. i love it!
31st-Jan-2008 06:04 pm (UTC)
Ah, an oldie but a goodie!
(Deleted comment)
31st-Jan-2008 07:06 pm (UTC) - To believe all that you'd simply have to not think
I'm a registered Republican and have been since I could vote. I'm an atheist, I support the right to privacy and a woman's right to choose. I support equal rights, which of course includes gay marriage. I'm a skeptic who's fought against fundamentalism and creationism before they became relabeled as 'intelligent design'. In fact, not a single one of those bullet points apply.

And I'm far from the only Republican who's like that, and I vote against morons who are.

And unlike some Democrats I know...I've never voted for Dubya. ;)
1st-Feb-2008 01:00 am (UTC) - Re: To believe all that you'd simply have to not think
Anonymous
You just described me to almost to T, and most other conservatives I know. In fact, that describes a lot of liberals I know too. Egad! How is it these crackpots on both sides keep getting elected?
1st-Feb-2008 01:37 am (UTC) - Re: To believe all that you'd simply have to not think
The post has been amended to better reflect itself. You are a minority in your chosen party, you know. In fact, you're rather like a Log Cabin Republican. I don't get them either, but to each his/her own.
31st-Jan-2008 07:16 pm (UTC) - Let me fix one for you.
13. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host ^ or a lame duck president. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

There. That's better.
31st-Jan-2008 08:12 pm (UTC) - Re: Let me fix one for you.
Yeah 'cause fuck Betty Ford.
6th-Feb-2008 03:54 am (UTC)
Re: #5, there was a priceless moment of really awkward silence at Christmas during a politics chat with the family, immediately after I commented that I could never vote Republican because I have ovaries. PRICELESS I TELL YOU.
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