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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
This Much, I Know. 
22nd-Aug-2006 07:39 am
Lately I've been damaged-goods-victim and ineffective observer, along with all of the important people in my life. Literally everyone I know is reeling from someone else's choices in one respect or another.

I find it interesting that I'm identifying right now in my mind with the people of post 9/11 NYC and post Katrina Gulf Coast/New Orleans in strange and profound ways. Imagine yourself surrounded by wasteland, none it your design or your choice, but what the fuck are you going to do about it - this is your home, this is where you live and where you are. Lack of resources won't change the fact that you're stuck where you are sometimes, in a rut, in a geographic sense, in an emotional sense, in any imaginable sense. This is where you know you belong in spite of knowing on the surface there are a million other places you might rather be at this one, overwhelming moment in time. The place you sometimes are can make you feel helpless and hopeless simply by nature of the place itself and its gravity rubbings like scars on everything, but when those two things meet and you're both helpless and hopeless at once, the singularity of this invariably leads you to shell shock.

Screaming or not screaming about it (the frustration) makes no difference, better you not waste the energy and exhaust yourself before the next thing comes along to exhaust you - and it is coming, that next thing. You never get a break from it or so it would seem underneath the weight of it all.

We all might as well be bloodied pieces travelling down the throat of a lion.

And this pessimism shit? Definitely not for me, I'm out of my element. I suppose the more accurate nom for me at the moment would probably be 'pissimism'.
Comments 
22nd-Aug-2006 01:47 pm (UTC)
I know the feeling all to well, I don't have to imagine. I feel as though I'm a part of the old adage "sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant." Only I'm always the hydrant anymore. Constantly getting pissed on with no umbrella to sheild me from the constant onslaught of piss reigning down.

I didn't ask for this, I did nothing to cause the chain of events that got me and my family here, but there is for us nowhere to go, no way out, no way to stop the piss from falling and feeling totally helpless, and a great portion of the time, hopeless.

And yet, you are right. There really isn't any choice, I don't have the energy to fight anymore and even if I did who would I go after?

Too many people with the power to change this won't out of greed and neglect. So thousands if not millions of people suffer each day, laying in a hole while the "powers that be" piss on them and walk away.

All I can do as I'm sure those affected by 9/11 and Katrina can do is try to survive each day the best I can. What other choice do we have. We the people no longer have a voice especially if you are poor, elederly or disabled.

Case in point the poor black woman who died in the wheelchair whose son is now suing the government for not helping her after Katrina struck. She was all three, poor, elderly and disabled.

And she died rotting in the sun like an animal. And this President has the nerve to talk to other countries about human rights? He better look in the mirror!

My two cents worth from the peanut gallery.

Christina

22nd-Aug-2006 03:00 pm (UTC)
Of course, of all people in this world YOU would know this stuff - backwards and forwards.
23rd-Aug-2006 12:06 am (UTC)
It's a club that no one wants to join I can assure you. It's nice to see that others out there at least feel some compassion for people suffering in this country.

I feel for those poor people who were displaced by Katrina who have lived in hotels knowing there are new mobil homes they can't get because of asinine government red tape. It is a disgrace! And I wish people would be screaming loud like the families of 9/11 did to get some answers as to where all the billions raised for Katrina survivors went.

There should be a call for heads to roll over the no bid contracts, and favors doled out to Bush's friends to make them rich off the tragedy of others.

Sickening I say, it's just sickening.

Hugs to you for speaking the truth.
Christina
22nd-Aug-2006 03:25 pm (UTC) - Infringement of human rights -look in your own backyard!
Sweet Christina, don't even get me started...

I can't account for this government's behavior when it comes to those who truly need our help...

I missed most of what was happening regarding Katrina because she hit while I was flying to Sicily last year. But I saw the aftermath. I watched their news in horror and had no answer to my cousins' inquiring: you are the richest nation, how can you treat your people this way? Why hasn't the government helped these people? How can this happen? ANd I couldn't answer them when they began talking about how our country could use socialized medicine, so we can take care of one another, so EVERYONE has a shot at health care. Socialized medicine is scary in Europe, but I KNOW we in the US could do better - at least I hope we could..

I pay my taxes. I try to help when I can. And I know dozens of people would do the same -Democrats, Republicans (maybe not Libertarians, but...). Why can't we, as a nation, help people in our own backyard? What's it feel like to those left out in the rubble of Katrina when Bush fervently, passionately talks of rebuilding LEBANON?!?!?!?!?!?!?! and speaks so casually about helping our brothers and sisters down south. BILLIONS of our dollars reserved to build LEBANON? Let fucking Israel rebuild fucking Lebanon! While our brothers and sisters down south... it gives me stomach pains.
22nd-Aug-2006 11:25 pm (UTC) - Re: Infringement of human rights -look in your own backyard!
Yes, I feel this way about Lebanon too. But as I said in the above post what can I do? I've written to everyone and no one will listen.

What really pissed me off was last year when he was talking abot giving free health care to people in IRAQ!This while we were struggling on unempoyment to try to come up with the COBRA money and having to beg strangers for help.

What in the hell is wrong with this man? Are we invisible here? And by we I mean *all of us* here in the US in need not just my family.

I'm counting the days to election time in 2008.

Christina
22nd-Aug-2006 03:13 pm (UTC) - shell-shocked
When I feel this way - and I often do -I usually heap upon that constricted feeling some healthy dose of guilt -guilt for feeling bad when people all over the globe have *real* trouble, *real* problems, and I negate my true feelings of being frustrated and stuck and out of control. Like I have no right to claim the feeling of being at a loss, this feeling that things are quite unsurmountable, and I don't deserve to allow myself to feel this way. Then I feel embarrassed that I have not done enough in my life, that I suffer the same frustrations, like a whiny child, and I berate myself for feeling so down. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I have not learned to give myself a fucking break. I mean a real fucking break. Shit, I'm just human, going about my business, trying to take the reins, trying to be a good person, then -BLAM! - there is a break in the sunshine and the heavy clouds enchroach. No release of rain, no cleansing wind, just the oppressive weight of Grey.

But the clouds lift. They do. And the lights and darks of existence make a lovely pattern. Time to count the blessings, although they seem scattrered and worn thin. That's when it's time to corral them into one place and count the heads of all those blessings - when it's the toughest time to do so.

Good thoughts are sent your way.
23rd-Aug-2006 04:34 am (UTC)
I refuse to pawn off the ultimate responsibility of the citizenry as something that's nobody can affect, that is beyond their control and that is an insurmountable problem despite numerous historical incidents to disprove that silly notion.

The gov is pissing you off? REMOVE IT.

There's an astounding lack of conviction from the masses who would ather stay indoors in their AC, whine, and do nothing. Apathy is the primary rot, not the actions of some legislative body that can be whisked aside if the will is there.

The will is not.

THAT is the problem.
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