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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
For Gabi and for Bill, with all of my love and respect 
20th-Oct-2004 10:20 am
I got an email last night from Gabi Clayton, a wonderful woman and mother whose 17 year old son Bill committed suicide in May of 1995. Bill was one of the numerous children who are victims of hate crimes and sexual assaults who turn their anger inward with such force that it eventually makes them come apart.

I think the most tragic element of his story is that he came from such a loving, supportive family and that while his upbringing gave him courage and wisdom well beyond his years, it still wasn't enough to save him from himself. Imagine how terrible your life circumstances have to be that you would be that desperate, that lost and hopeless.

I told Gabi last week that having read Bill's story, that "I came across your webpage and the story of Bill while researching hate crimes for a piece I am writing. Today being the 6th anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard, I have felt the need to honor not just him but all of those whose lives have been stolen from us, so that we may remember and appreciate the lives of those no longer with us and celebrate those that are, even if only in memory." I went on to give her some details into my past/present activism and volunteer work. I was so completely taken with her, her son, and their entire story that I felt I needed to mark the occaision. I told her that from now on, everything I do to discourage hatred; everything I do in the name of fighting homophobia; everything I do in the hope of creating a better environment for children such as her son and children that are misled into bigotry, I will do so in honor of her and in honor and memory of Bill. I asked Gabi for her permission to share her family's story with others, and she gave it to me adding "That is why I published his story and I speak out -- all that has come from doing that has been a way for me to turn the pain of his suicide into something that can help in the work to end the hate and ignorance, and hopefully save other people from what Bill went through. Thank you Jude for your support and your work. I am glad to know we are working together."

We need to put faces on these kinds of tragedy. We need constant reminders that there are people who are no longer alive for senseless reasons so that we can encourage ourselves and others to be better today than we were yesterday, more compassionate and more aware. Bill Clayton could have been my brother, my nephew, or my child. YOUR brother, YOUR nephew, YOUR child. Maybe just like me you used to BE Bill Clayton once upon a time, but you made a different choice and that choice is the reason you have the luxury of being alive to even be able to read this, unlike Bill.

We're living in a time when the powers that be and the religious reich are squawking morning, noon, and night about "Protecting Traditional Marriage" bullshit. Where people are so stupid that they iconize attention whores like Paris Hilton who have done with their lives what amounts to absolutely NOTHING. People like Bill die every day because we don't pay enough attention to real issues and problems like hatred and intolerance, let alone make ourselves proactive enough to try and do something about them. Sometimes all you need is to use your voice and raise awareness, talk to people and ask questions.

In the time it took me to write this entry, two people somewhere in this country alone killed themselves. Maybe one of those people is someone you love.

Read Bill's story, talk about it, honor and remember him and help keep that memory alive.

Bill's Story
- Suicide Statistics | Gabi Clayton | Families Organized Against Hate | Tolerance.org | PFLAG -


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Much love, respect, and gratitude to my dear friend michaelnolan for making this banner!
Comments 
20th-Oct-2004 07:31 am (UTC)
It never fails to amaze me how huge your heart is, and how willingly and freely you give it.
(Deleted comment)
20th-Oct-2004 01:38 pm (UTC)
double ditto
20th-Oct-2004 08:30 am (UTC)
B,

After six+ years in youth suicide prevention, I wish I had some wonderful, uplifting or inspirational words for you. The truth is that I don't. I remember my conversations with Gabi way back when I was just getting started. The stories she could tell...

Sometimes you just want to shake people and scream at the top of your lungs "SPEAK THE FUCK UP! YOU ARE KILLING YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOUR SILENCE!"

sometimes it worked. those are the times you want to remember, but they're not the ones that stick in your mind like superglue. they never are.

20th-Oct-2004 09:20 am (UTC)
So, what do we do?

Because, honestly, thinking about it and reading about it and honoring it just isn't enough.

Where do we begin making the changes?

20th-Oct-2004 09:45 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing this and sharing it with the people on your friends list. there is nothing positive that anyone can say about suicide until it stops. i understand that. but at least once again people know it is out their. i myself didnt' relize how bad it was until i met micks. he really opened my eyes shall we say. once again thank you for sharing. i will probably take the link and post it to my web space ifyou don't mind.

hugz,
kaytm
20th-Oct-2004 10:54 am (UTC)
He was just a baby. :(

But that could have been me. You've got a big heart, man.
20th-Oct-2004 06:44 pm (UTC)
goddamit I cant stop crying. but still thank you for being such a great person and posting this story. god just so angery now...
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