Last night was a new instance in what I'm establishing as my "norm", as it were - and in a good way.
He's teaching himself how to open up to me more, revealing more of himself emotionally. I knew immediately after meeting him that there was much more color to him than he played on, and I'm learning that he comes into his own skin more readily when he gets some safe space and it's considerably easier for him to let down that wall a little more in those moments.
It's hard watching someone in such torment, but I know this is something he has to go through. We talked last night while going for a drive about how completely disillusioned he is with the church and his past experiences that have led him to the point he's at now, completely torn down and questioning his faith. I cannot fathom how wholly broken he is about this, because in its entirety the church has made a mockery of itself and shunned him when he absolutely lived for it. You must understand - this was his LIFE, this was what he thought was his purpose! None of this reality was an option, or even a consideration for that matter.
He was basically driven out by politics and greed - not at all in keeping with the supposed teachings of Christianity, but there you have it. People wonder why I don't believe there is a God. Well newsflash, it's not just because it's completely illogical to me, but it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm surrounded with smarmy, self righteous, holier-than-thou types that use this idea of God in order to fatten their pockets and justify their own horrid behavior. That and the complacent ones, the ones who had this man that only lived to lift them up and loved their families - but when push came to shove, where was the love for him? Where was the outrage? Where was the fight to keep him? This is one of the major problems I have with Christianity, the complete lack of scruples it takes for people to be complacent in the face of an injustice.
I know that in time he will come to realize that this was the best thing for him, really. Now he has the opportunity to live honestly and not deny his desires, his happiness, his right to be himself, and none of this would have been possible if he were still locked up in that prison that seeks to kill you of yourself and make you this thing that serves only to promote someone else's agenda. But it NEVER should have happened the way it did. He should have made the decision on his own, on his own terms because he had come to a new truth and it was necessary. They robbed him. Raped and robbed him, and did it all in the name of this "Love" that has no bounds. What a sham.
I'm happy in spite of this that I get the honor of bearing witness to him arriving at these truths because this is good. It's good for you to get clarity, but unfortunately you have to get it in harsh ways sometimes. Life begins again and you do the best you can with what you have - the rest is somebody else's business.
- Music:Jumper - 3rd Eye Blind