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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
Since you clearly cannot help yourselves and feel the need to bother... 
19th-Jul-2004 07:52 am
I have no complaints about my life and my choices. Considering the suffering all around me, I have nothing to complain about and no energy to waste on such triviality. I delete on sight any email and/or commentary to my journal that serves no purpose except to vilify me. I won't bother reading it, it is trivial waste of time, as insignificant as those that babble it, and completely beneath me. With everything else going on that causes such misery to people who have earned my love, trust, and loyalty, and who work hard to maintain those same things, I will not waste one single second on things that do not matter or people who are of no consequence. I have no regret for writing off people I thought I knew, it was going to happen as soon as they hung themselves anyway and I knew that months ago. To top it off, Damien and Maggie both reaffirmed that fact for me countless times within the last 6 months alone. Standing on the other side of a bridge that I have set fire to, trying to tell me something about myself is equally as pointless as the content of whatever you have to say. It falls on deaf ears, I'm not listening to you and never will again. Now if you cannot leave well enough alone, that is your misfortune. Waste your time trying to comment to my journal under another username, that'll go straight into the trash as well. And having said that, I have nothing further on the subject ever again. Moving on...

The entire weekend really has felt cursed in some way or another. Hard to explain, but that's what it has amounted to for me. I've been in a bit of a funk for three days now, and I'm hoping that whatever it is will cease itself by morning because I'm a little tired of feeling like this, it fucking sucks. Pretty much everything I originally set out to do or accomplish this weekend got fucked. Now mind you, I'm not the least bit bothered by the way things panned out, as sometimes things don't work according to plan. Life doesn't give a shit about your plans sometimes. I welcome any time I get to spend with the people I love and live for, even if it does happen in the shittiest of circumstances. You have to learn how to adapt and deal with the circumstances you're given. It tests your resiliency and keeps you sharp. I've learned how to sacrifice and do without, and I know how to be resourceful when I need to be. I don't hurt for things if I don't have them anymore, I just wait my turn and hope that sooner or later the universe works in my small favor again. And it will or it won't all the same, worrying be damned.
Comments 
19th-Jul-2004 12:51 pm (UTC) - Jesus Christ, man
Sorry!

;-)
19th-Jul-2004 01:10 pm (UTC) - Re: Jesus Christ, man
Well, you know me - no room for error with some folks...
19th-Jul-2004 01:42 pm (UTC) - Re: Jesus Christ, man
I just wanted an excuse to use the googly eyes.
19th-Jul-2004 01:45 pm (UTC) - Re: Jesus Christ, man
Whirred.
19th-Jul-2004 07:00 pm (UTC)
i've come to realize, that it pains me to see people depressed about stupid shit, like their jobs they refuse to leave that make them so unhappy, but won't do anything about, because money is more important. i see that a lot lately. i guess i keep thinking, these people have NO right to be depressed. it's one thing if you've really seen real pain, i get that. maybe i think i, and others of like history, have a monopoly on sadness and what's real. /sigh. frustrating. wish i could open eyes.

sometimes your gut says "leave now" and you stay because you feel you are being nice. i need to learn how not to do this. the self sacrifice is tiring. (i think that's the right word, or closest i can get.) change is getting a lil old too. i realized today on the way to the grocery store, that i have no friends that i've known for 5 years, that i can hang out with, and do things with, and it's harder for me to bond with people than ever before. would explain why i feel the way i do about things, i guess.

bmws for everyone!! (i forgot to buy the lotto ticket for this week. :\ )
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