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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
I'm sitting here in the calm, I've had my coffee, today's playlist is… 
18th-Jul-2003 10:07 am
I'm sitting here in the calm, I've had my coffee, today's playlist is Tori Amos, Angie Aparo, Barenaked Ladies, Joni Mitchell, Peter Gabriel, Aimee Mann, XTC, and Duncan Sheik, and my head hurts a little. I'm not sure if it is because of my sinuses, or because I think too much. Maybe a little of both at least.

You've only so many roads to choose,
Sooner or later the ones you use
They all look the same.
Someday you might feel the need,
Someday when you're tired of bleeding for someone else,
You're gonna want it for yourself.


Poor Avery is a sick little girl. She is all sneezy and runny-nosed, and she's bleary eyed. We're having to use the aspirator (or as I call it, the boogey-snatcher) on her every few hours or so and she screams like a banshee because she hates it. Then again, what's to like?

...and she sayd "Ooooh darlin' don't you know?
The darkness comes and the darkness goes."
And she says "Ooooh babe, why don't you let it show?
Happiness ain't never how you think it should be so..."


My sinuses are acting all screwy as well, and there's little I can do about it for the time being but take my antihistamines and decongestants and wait it out. Such are the wages of allergies!

I get so tired working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive.


I'm thinking a lot about three friends of mine. One is dancingfaerie, one is lolasenvy, the other is pacwastaken. Few things would make me happier than seeing all of them without a care in the world, no more than anyone else I love who deserves it - just faster for them because I would like so.

I hate that Lisa is subject to getting her feelings hurt like she is. I wished more than anything that she had a thicker skin and things that would normally hurt her would instead just piss her off - it's a lot easier to process and move away from being pissed off than it is having your feelings hurt.

When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?


I wished Renea could just for once - FOR ONCE have something for herself and everyone around her celebrate it and acknowledge the fact that it is a monumental accomplishment for her and just let her have it without it being marred by other things.

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Color "Go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed"
Oh but you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
Still I'd be on my feet
I'd still be on my feet


I wished Patrick really knew and understood how much I adore him and how highly I think of him. I should do a better job with that one, I really should. The other thing is that I really wished he and Renea would be friends, their senses of humor and perceptions of people (on most days) are well matched. I know them both pretty well, and the interesting thing is that they are more alike than they are different. Maybe that's the problem. Imagine the possibilities of THAT friendship being forged, I can name 50 people right now that would tuck tail and run at the sight of them together and laughing at stupid people! She would be going "HUUUUHH!!!" and pointing while he made stabbing motions at that person's ass. Oh well, it would be a nice thing to see.

I think
It’s getting to the point where I can be myself again
I think
It’s getting to the point where we have almost made amends
I think
It’s the getting to the point that is the hardest part

And if you call
I will answer
And if you fall
I’ll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I’ll point you home
I’ll point you home

You think
I only think about you when we’re both in the same room
I’m only here to witness the remains of love exhumed
You think
We’re here to play a game of who loves more than whom

And if you call
I will answer
And if you fall
I’ll pick you up
And if you court this disaster

You think
It’s only fair to do what’s best for you and you alone
It’s only fair to do the same to me when you’re not home
I think
It’s time to make this something that is more than only fair

So if you call
I will answer
And if you fall
I’ll pick you up
And if you court this disaster
I’ll point you home

I’m warning you
Don’t ever do
Those crazy messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you
I’ll be the first to crucify you
Now it’s time to prove
That you’ve come back here to rebuild


I hope everyone has a great day and that you are all safe, well, and happy.
Comments 
18th-Jul-2003 01:15 pm (UTC)
Jude, I really don't know what to say. I'm torn between two feelings: a) Wow, I hadn't a clue you thought that highly of me, and I am honored because of it. and b) What, you think that highly of me? I'm confused :/, I didn't do anything to earn it.

I think very highly of you as well, contrary to what people may think and/or say at times. Disregard what people may say, have said, or may have said. You are a very inspirational person, and a great friend of mine, beyond the shadow of a doubt. You're one of the very FEW people (probably one of the two or three people) that I can actually sit down with and have a conversation outside the everyday "so what's up?" bullshit. Your words are enlightening, and I really enjoy conversing with you, for you are very intellectual.

As for the Renea bit. My dad always tells me the more you're like someone, the more tension there is between yourself and them. I don't know if this is true in this case, but it very well could be. I'd be more than willing to expunge past events, and forget about it. Moving on is one thing I've been getting good at lately, I *think* I might be progressing a bit further in the maturity chain. Who knows.

But, thank you for your kind words, and take my words in as well.
18th-Jul-2003 09:01 pm (UTC)
Jude, I really don't know what to say. I'm torn between two feelings: a) Wow, I hadn't a clue you thought that highly of me, and I am honored because of it. and b) What, you think that highly of me? I'm confused :/, I didn't do anything to earn it.

Sure you have, it's just not up to you to decide what makes it so in my mind. You've proven yourself to me in a myriad of ways, and amazed me in each one passing. If you don't know what my reasons are, it is just because you're not looking closely enough. Hell, truth be told, you impressed me before I ever met you in person. To initiate arranging that first meeting, then walking straight up to me with your hand extended and smiling saying "Good to meet you, man."

I think very highly of you as well, contrary to what people may think and/or say at times. Disregard what people may say, have said, or may have said. You are a very inspirational person, and a great friend of mine, beyond the shadow of a doubt. You're one of the very FEW people (probably one of the two or three people) that I can actually sit down with and have a conversation outside the everyday "so what's up?" bullshit. Your words are enlightening, and I really enjoy conversing with you, for you are very intellectual.

Likewise, my friend - likewise. You inspire me in ways my other friends can't, it's really that simple.

As for the Renea bit. My dad always tells me the more you're like someone, the more tension there is between yourself and them. I don't know if this is true in this case, but it very well could be. I'd be more than willing to expunge past events, and forget about it. Moving on is one thing I've been getting good at lately, I *think* I might be progressing a bit further in the maturity chain. Who knows.

Interesting, I've heard similar words from her as well. Great things come when you let them come to you before you come to them. Insofar as the maturity thing, nah - you're just making better choices and letting the man you're SUPPOSED to be come through. You hit yours early - congratulations - always remember how lucky that makes you.

But, thank you for your kind words, and take my words in as well.

Again - likewise. Will be down at Heritage Park photographing "Nexus" for some art samples, will be there at 6. Take care, hope to see you soon. Be well.
19th-Jul-2003 06:13 pm (UTC)
Jude, I can't really find adequate words to describe my response to your response online at the moment. When you and D come to my apartment (hopefully you will), I will have to sit down and talk to you about it in person. That'd make me feel most excellent. Keep in touch! :)
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