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BACK DOOR BOY IN A FRONT DOOR WORLD
OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY - THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO BE
I Need Sleep... In A Bad Way 
2nd-Feb-2002 09:09 am
I haven't had a decent night's sleep in 4 days now, no idea why. The weather has been so nice for the past week, then it had the nerve to go and get cold again. I HATE cold. Me and this Mother Nature chick are going to have words, believe that shit.

I feel like I'm searching for something, only I have no idea what or what is driving me. I'm growing bored with my life in general. I'm going to start painting again in the spring, I'm going to do a few calligraphy panels and see if I can get them into the Galleria Riverside. Mrs. Ramsey likes me, it could happen. I have already scripted them out, one is an alphabet panel and the other is a set of palindromes, all 5 letters each, that all connect into a cube. I haven't really decided on a letterform, but that will happen with more time and work.

Little inspires me as of late. There's nothing new in music, although I'm still completely caught up in Jeff Buckley; I cannot find any decent art books anywhere, you'd think Maxfield Parrish never existed; and I'm terribly lonely.

I thought I saw Daniel yesterday, and it reminded me of a dream I had a while ago about seeing him in Books-A-Million with some guy I didn't know, drinking tea and picking books to read to each other. I totally lost my cool in the dream, too. That was kind of our going out ritual. The idea of him being with someone else is more than I can bear right now, but I do think about it in my vulnerable moments. Nathan made the comment to Maggie the other day that the next time they saw him, he'd be married with a baby on the way. They really liked Daniel, and enjoyed having him around. They don't bring him up in conversations, because it's awkward for me I suppose so it's best that they don't bother. Cole has yet to ask me why Daniel doesn't come to see me anymore, but whenever we are out somewhere and sees anything related to Snoopy he says "Can we can buy that for Daniel? He loves Snoopy!" I fake a smile and tell him that Daniel would probably like that, and that he's very thoughtful for thinking about him.
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